Wednesday, April 27, 2011

on time...

Every now and then I can't help but think I can't believe I am a mother! Not in a bad way but in a good one. It's just so surreal at times when I look at Sebastian and say to myself I'm all grown up. It has gone by so quickly. Life that is. It's funny what time brings. I never believed my dad when he told me time flies by when you have kids, but it has. I'm telling you now, it is true. Life has a way of taking it's own course. Motherhood has been the best thing that has ever come about. I have grown and learned so much about my own self. So much so that I look into the mirror and see a young women that has been through many unfortunate things in her life but has been blessed beyond measure.
It's fascinating what time brings. Age, happiness, change, hardship, all of it at once, or none of it at all. I've never reflected on time as much as I have since I've had Sebastian. And as time goes on and he grows a day older I often ponder what the future holds for him. What will he be when he grows up? I cherish his childhood tremendously. Every moment is precious. Soon he will be at the stage of life where I am, thinking, where did time go? And when these times arise he will have pictures and stories to relive all that was before. That is something I wish I had. For me, when I think of the past, negative out weights the positive. As much as I try for it not too. It does. I wish I had a way to regularly channel some of those great memories of going fishing with dad out in the wild, or just going to work with my dad & him showing me how to change a toilet. Yes, I know how to change a toilet. Not only to see but to show Sebastian what life was like for me at that time. I will make sure Sebastian can show his children what love he received from all around him. 
Now, I know for sure my 16 year old self would not have believed me if I told her I would be 22, (soon to be) married with a two and a half year old son. She would literally say your shitting me... And then I would say dear child I shit you not! But even though my young self would be speechless I am proud. I feel as if I have done so much in so little time that now I have the rest of life build on to this amazing path. Sure, I still have many things on that list of things you want to get done before you die but I am content on where my future turned out to be and there is so much more future yet to unfold. 
I ask you, what do you think of time? Don't be ignorant with it. It's precious and hope everyone does whatever they want with it in high spirits!

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