Sunday, July 11, 2010

on who I am...

I am...

...having mixed emotions about this photo of me. I almost love everything about it other than the fact if you stare long enough I believe it looks like I have an amputated arm. I assure you I don't...

...feeling some homesickness. You would think that after almost 4 years it would hardly be around anymore. I love the today and what is, but I also really do hold the comforts of the past dearly. The good stuff at least. It seems to be even more difficult around holidays or birthdays. Like with Sebastian's birthday coming up I wish I could celebrate with some of the people that are dear to me back in Seattle. Also that being said I wish Sebastian could have some of those people in his life more. Family & friends.
When this mourning of the past comforts or mourning of my home happen I share these feelings that I have with Bobby. Why? Because we are together. And I tell him everything. Duh. Bobby of course doesn't feel the same emotions as I do, ummm because he has everyone that he can possibly need here. And I do think he at times feels like I might be blaming him for our life together being awful. Which is totally silly because I am (do a little jig) happier than I've ever been. But at the same time, no lie, there is a hole. In my chest. And at times I need some time to mourn for those missing things and time to fill that hole back up with new memories & moments. No doubt I kick myself in the butt, but in my head, and tell myself, Stop it. Get over it. This is how it's suppose to be. Don't waste time and energy thinking otherwise. Anyways, I guess I can feel this way because I am so family oriented. Even though my family is unlike others. Then why did you move so far away idiot? My answer is pretty clear and as follows: To be with Bobby. To create a life of my own. To discover a ton of tiny little things about myself. To be courageous and live life however I want it to be lived. To learn & dream.
Anywho, I think that any normal or in my case weird person would miss their home if they admit it or not. And damn it I admit it! I YELL IT TO THE WORLD, I MISS HOME!!!!!!!
Now let me be rational, this is my home now until further notice :)

...thrilled about Eat, Pray, Love the movie starring Julia Roberts and hunk, James Franco is coming out August 13th! If you haven't seen the trailer go here. Or if you haven't read the book, then do so. It's a great adventure.

...hoping that if you haven't seen Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs that you would hurry up and see the movie. We watched it again lastnight after only seeing it at the movie when it first came out. And I think it is rated pretty high on my fave childrens movie list :) Super laugh out loud funny!

...excited to say that there are now only 104 days until my Californacation :) It's really going to be marvalous.

...hating carbs. They are my own worst enemy. I love bread, I love pasta and I love them both at the same time. I need to keep two open eyes out for not eating myself silly with these delicious foods from the devil.

...starting to understand that almost all bad things are a blessing in disguise. It's just how it is at least for me. I see that negative turns around and becomes possitive. I learn from it and become a better person. Although I don't encourage the bad I do challenge it! Booyahhh!

Be grateful for your life, your gifts, for others and the every day.

No comments :

Post a Comment